Losing Again
by aevee
Summary: DinahHelena Helena's dead because of a bullet meant for Dinah. Dinah loses control. "My hearing died the moment I raised the metal rod high over my head and brought it crashing down upon his."


AN: Sorry if the characters seem a little off from their usual selves, I haven't really seen them before, but after reading other fics, this scenario kinda popped into my head and I wrote it. Meh.

Staring down the open end of the gun barrel, time slowed into an unbearable creep. His finger, already on the trigger, pressed down ever so slowly, millimetre by millimetre, and I knew, I knew that I was going to be shot.

The moment the revelation hit me, time sped up again, and the gun spat out its bullet. I didn't have time to move aside, I was too stunned to even begin to make my body move. Instead, all I could do was stand there like a deer caught in the headlights of an approaching car, and wait for the bullet to hit me.

But it never did.

"NO!"

"NO!"

Twin cries of anguish. Mine and Helena's. I couldn't do anything, nothing at all. All I could do was watch as Helena leapt, throwing herself in between me and the bullet. Her graceful body sailing, the sudden twitch as the bullet made contact with her body, the wet thud as she landed on the pavement.

Helena.

All that mattered was Helena.

I forgot about the man with the gun. I forgot about the danger I was in. I forgot about everything except Helena. Running forward, I could barely hear the sounds of the gun firing again and again at me. None of the bullets hit. Barbara had run forward and was currently trying to subdue the man, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered except Helena.

Reaching her side, and I immediately dropped down to my knees and gently picked up her head, cradling it close to me, resting it on my lap.

"Helena? Helena?"

Her eyes opened, her beautiful feline eyes, and she smiled. Her hands were pressed on the bullet wound, blood seeping out and covering them.

"Hey kid."

She lifted a hand from her wound and gently pressed it against my face. I was crying.

"Kid, no crying, you aren't hurt."

Her thumb brushed the tears away, leaving a streak of blood along with the bloody handprint on my cheek. She coughed, and red droplets splattered up onto my face. A fine line of liquid red trailed down her chin.

"Helena..."

She coughed again and even more blood splattered onto my face. I flinched, but didn't look away. With a shaking hand, I brushed away the few stray strands of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes, and she smiled again. She opened her mouth to say something, but all I could here was a raspy whisper. The words were unintelligible.

"What? Helena, what is it?"

She coughed again, once more splattering my face, but I didn't care. Instead, I lowered my ear to her mouth.

"Helena, what is it?"

The deep breath she took caused her to cough again, and I felt the blood on my ear, but I waited. Several moments of wet hacking passed. I was worried that Helena wouldn't be able to say what she needed to.

"Helena? Helena, what is it?"

The coughing subsided, and Helena took in a shaky breath. She uttered her last words.

"Di-Dinah?"

"I'm here Helena, I'm right here."

She wasn't calling me 'kid' anymore. I was Dinah again.

"Dinah, I..."

She took another raspy breath.

"I love you."

I pulled back and gazed at Helena, and she smiled again, teeth bloody. Her lips were coated in blood, but I didn't care. I leaned down and kissed her. I could taste the blood on my lips, but just I really didn't care. Helena's lips were so soft against mine. And though it was almost unperceivable, I could feel Helena responding, Helena kissing me back. And then, it was over. Her lips grew cold, her head fell away, and all I could do was gaze at her limp form. Tears fell, but there was no Helena to brush them away anymore.

Helena.

Helena's dead.

For a moment, just for a moment, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was like I was in a void, a swirling black void of nothingness that sucked away my emotions. But that moment passed all too soon and everything rammed back into me. In one wave, one enormous tidal wave, the loss and despair came back and simply crashed upon me. It was too much. It was just too much. Throwing my head back, I let out a long wail of anguish.

But as suddenly as the grief and agony had hit me, it dissipated, replaced by an unbelievable anger. An anger that drove everything out of me, everything except itself. Setting Helena's limp form down onto the ground, I suddenly noticed the grunts of effort from both Barbara and the man with the gun, the man who killed Helena, the monster. They were fighting, the gun still in his hand but harmlessly held away by Barbara, and I felt another surge of anger. That gun. The gun that killed Helena. In mere seconds, I had reached the two of them.

"Dinah!"

Barbara looked to me, and momentarily distracted, the monster tried to take advantage of her, but I was faster. My fist connected with his chest, and I sent him flying several feet backwards until he hit the ground with a loud thud. I whipped around to face him, pathetically sprawled on the ground, and started his way, only to be held back by Barbara.

"Dinah, let me handle this, you-"

She never got to finish. I pushed her aside and strode over to that pathetic heap. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a metal pole. Perfect.

"Looks like the dumb blonde's back for more."

He'd gotten up into a sitting position, grinning at me. I grinned back. Flawlessly, I scooped up the metal rod and rested it on the palm of my hand. The cold metal felt good. I hoped that the monster would think so too.

"Yes, I am back for more. I'm back for you blood."

That voice, my voice, didn't sound like mine. There was a brief flicker of confusion, but it disappeared when the man lifted his gun, barrel pointing right at my heart. His grin widened as he began to pull the trigger, but he wasn't fast enough. The metal pole connected with his wrist and I heard a satisfying crack. The gun dropped harmlessly to the ground.

"AAAARRRGGHHH! You bitch!"

I smiled. Not my nice Dinah smile. This was something else. I could see the fear flickering in his eyes as he watched the smile form.

"W-w-what do you want?"

The smile turned into a laugh. Again, it wasn't a nice laugh.

"I told you, I want your blood."

There was nothing else. My hearing died the moment I raised the metal rod high over my head and brought it crashing down upon his. I heard nothing but an eerie silence. His mouth opened in surprise and pain, but I didn't hear the cry. He crumpled on the pavement. Bringing the metal rod up again, I saw the end of it was coated with blood. Good. I brought it down, this time connecting it with his spine. I'm not sure whether it cracked or not, because I couldn't hear. From somewhere deep inside me, the anger welled up again.

Helena.

Helena was dead because of this... this filth.

Again and again. I brought the metal pole down on him again and again, each time harder than the last. Blood sprayed up in all directions, splattering me and mingling with the blood that was already on me. Helena's blood.

Helena.

I could feel my mouth open. I knew I was crying out in anger, in pain, in despair, a wild, inhumane cry. But I couldn't hear it. Instead, I could hear someone calling to me.

"Hey kid."

Right before my eyes, Helena materialised, grinning, her face two inches from mine. She was gazing at me, still smiling, one hand tucked underneath her head as she lay on the bed. I remembered smiling back at her. Saying good morning.

The image faded, leaving me to watch as I repeatedly slammed the metal pole into the man's limp and bloody body.

"Helena, give it back! It's mine!"

Helena danced, just out of my reach, biting into the poptart that she had just snatched from my mouth.

Again and again, I battered the heap of flesh with the metal pole in my hands.

"C'mon kid, you can do better than that!"

Dodging my flying fists, grinning.

"Stop teasing me Helena!"

We ended up in a heap on the floor, me on top of her, both breathing hard...

The blood sprayed up, droplets landing on my face, dyeing my blonde hair red. The metal pole just a blur as it rose and fell heavily into the heap on the pavement.

Sitting on the couch, leaning against the side of it, I was extremely aware of Helena's arm, draped on the back of the couch mere inches behind my back. She leaned over to grab some popcorn from the bowl perched on my lap, and I turned to look at her. She was so close, so close.

"Helena?"

I sounded so breathless, and I was.

"Kid..."

She was breathless too.

"Don't move..."

And she closed to gap between us, her lips pressing against mine. It felt so good. She let out a small moan, mixed in with the low rumbling of a purr, and I moaned in response. Her lips opened mine and I could feel her tongue dart in, feeling around in my mouth. I moaned again and I could hear her purring. The bowl of popcorn fell from my lap as she leaned in even more, pressing her body against mine. Her fingers ran through my hair, my arms slid around her waist. I was pressed against the side of the couch, and she was on top of me.

And then, Barbara slid her key into the lock.

Helena sprang away from me and we both turned to face the television again, trying to act as though nothing happened. Of course, the popcorn was still on the ground. I was breathing hard, and I could hear Helena breathing hard too. I hoped Barbara would leave soon, because that kiss felt so good, it was all I could do to not pounce on Helena at that very moment.

It was raining. I didn't care. More and more blood sprayed up. My hearing returned, and I could hear myself laughing. Laughing hysterically as I beat the man to pulp. I laughed and laughed and laughed.

"Dinah! Dinah, STOP!"

Someone was restraining me.

"Dinah, you have to stop!"

I didn't reply. Barbara was holding onto me, arms around me, stopping me.

"NO! NO! I'm not done yet!"

"No, Dinah, STOP!"

But I didn't reply. Instead, I laughed. I just laughed and laughed.

With one strong move, I threw Barbara's arms away from me, elbowed her hard in the gut, then shoved her away. She reeled backwards, winded. Running forwards, I yelled a battle cry, holding the metal bar dangerously above my head. I didn't really notice that the man didn't respond to my outrage. Swinging the bar down, it buried itself deep into a groove that I'd already made from all the beatings from before. I noticed the gleam of white peeking out from the red. I'd cut right down to the man's bone.

For a moment, I froze, metal rod still hanging in mid-air, and I stared. I stared at the small patch of white. I'd cut right down to the man's bone. I tore my eyes away from that small patch and noticed something black against the grey of the pavement.

The gun. I smiled.

I dropped the metal bar and grabbed the gun. Trying it out in my hand, I decided that it didn't feel too bad. My smile widened. Pointing the gun at the man, I pulled the trigger and laughed when the bullet hit him. I pulled the trigger again. Another bullet raced into the man's body. Again. I pulled the trigger again and again until the gun clicked empty, yet I still kept shooting. My laughter developed a hysterical edge to it as I continued pulling the trigger, again and again, each time the gun clicking empty. That didn't matter, I just kept shooting.

"Dinah, stop!"

Barbara was at it again, trying to make me stop. I laughed. Instead of stopping, I continued pulling the trigger. Again and again. She approached me, but before she could even try and get her arms around me, I threw a punch at her, sending her flying several feet before landing, stunned. Whipping around, I continued shooting. Again and again. Another laugh sounded, but I realised that I was crying, I was laughing and crying at the same time.

The rain fell harder, each drop making an audible splash as it landed on the pavement. I felt the droplets run down my face, washing away the blood and grime.

"Dinah, stop."

I was just about to turn around and give Barbara another punch when I realised it wasn't Barbara telling me to stop.

"Kid, you hafta stop."

Kid?

Helena!

I turned around, eyes shining, overjoyed that Helena was okay. But when I turned around, there was no-one there.

"Helena?"

"Kid, drop the gun."

I whirled around again. Maybe Helena was behind me, playing hide-and-seek. But Helena wasn't there.

"Drop the gun kid."

I turned around again, wildly. Helena as talking to me, she had to be here!

"I said, drop the gun Dinah!"

I dropped the gun, and there was a slight splash as it clattered onto the pavement.

"Helena?"

There wasn't any reply.

"Helena?"

Still nothing.

"Helena? Where are you?"

There still wasn't anything. I was beginning to sound hysterical.

"Helena?! Helena?!"

"Right here kid."

I whipped around and there she was.

"Helena!"

I ran forward, yearning to be in her arms, just waiting to be in her arms again. Instead, I ran right through her.

"Wha-?"

I turned around slowly, unable to believe what had just happened.

"Sorry kid."

I stared at Helena, stared at her beautiful face, at her sad smile.

"Helena... This isn't real, is it."

She shook her head. I watched as the rain drops fell into her, fell right through her, and I watched as she shimmered wherever the rain drops fell.

"Sorry kid."

"You're still dead..."

"Yeah."

"You're still dead..."

She didn't reply.

"You're still DEAD!"

I snatched up the metal pole on the ground and began to swing it wildly at the apparition of Helena. She wasn't Helena. Helena was still dead.

"Stop!"

I didn't. I just cried, sobbing, all while swinging the metal bar at Helena.

"Dinah, stop!"

It was all over. All over. I thought she was back, but she wasn't. Helena was still dead. Still gone.

The metal bar dropped from my limp hands, and I stayed there, sinking to the ground, sobbing. The rain washed over me, soaking me thoroughly, mingling with my tears as the droplets ran down my cheeks.

"You're still dead..."

I couldn't stand. I just couldn't. Helena was standing right in front of me, gazing down at me, yet she wasn't really standing there. Helena was alive, yet she was still dead. It was torture having her so close and not being able to touch her.

"Go..."

I looked up, still crying.

"Go."

"Kid?"

"I said GO!"

I sprang up and tried to push Helena away, only to go right through her again.

"GO!"

"Kid..."

"Stop calling me KID! I have a name! Just GO Helena!"

I stood there teeth gritted together, hands clenched in fists.

"Ki- Dinah, I'm sorry."

"Just GO Helena! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

She looked at me, a sad expression on her face. It hurt to see her like this.

"Do you... Do you really want me to go Dinah?"

I stared at her, not saying anything. Helena was here, right here, I could always talk to her if she stayed, always.

But she's not real.

"Yes. Go."

She stood still for a moment, simply looking at me, and I saw a single tear trickle down her cheek.

"See you later. I guess."

She began to flicker, then fade. It hurt, watching her fade away from me. I'd lost her once, now I was losing her again.

"Helena?"

I raised my hand to her, and she smiled.

"Love you."

"What?"

"Love you kid."

I stared at her, and for a moment, I felt happy. I managed a small smile through my tears.

"I have a name you know."

Helena smiled too.

"Love you. Dinah."

And she was gone. She was gone.

"Helena..."

She was gone, but her love for me wasn't. And neither was my love for her.

I smiled. Even through my tears, even through my loss, I smiled. I'd see her again. Someday. Someday, I'd see her again.

Turning away from the bloody heap that was all that remained of the man I'd decimated, I walked over slowly to where Helena lay. The rain continued to fall, each drop washing away the remaining blood from me, each drop soothing me. I looked down at Helena. She looked so peaceful, so serene, a soft smile on her cold lips. I kneeled down beside her and gently wiped away the rain that had gathered on her face. So beautiful. I leaned down and kissed her lips, her cold, cold lips. Pulling away, I couldn't help but let a tear fall. It dropped onto her face, and I wiped it away. Helena was gone, she was really gone.

Gathering her into my arms, I heaved her up and slowly staggered off into the darkness.


End file.
